JANUARY
‘Wow, What A Terrible Year!’ Say People Living At The Absolute Peak Of Human Civilization
Report: Celebration That Requires You To Stay Up Past Midnight Far Less Appealing Once You Turn 30
Biden Approval Rating Among Libertarians Skyrockets After He Says Federal Solutions Don’t Work
CNN Boasts They Haven’t Had An Employee Sex Scandal All Year
Dave Chappelle Apologizes For Photograph With Unfunny Friend Patton Oswalt
AOC Lays Wreath At Her Grave On January 6th
Businesses Now Requiring Positive COVID Test As Proof Of Vaccination
Tell Us What Kind Of Seating Your Church Has And We’ll Tell You How Good Its Theology Is
Oral Arguments Postponed As Justice Sotomayor Gets Gavel Stuck Up Her Nose Again
Study Finds Supreme Court Has Now Shared More COVID Misinformation Than Your Crazy Facebook Aunt
Science Accused Of Lying Under Oath
Biden Recounts Time He Was Arrested At A Civil Rights Protest For Wearing A White Hood
Report: Inflation Now Higher Than Biden’s Approval Rating
Pfizer CEO Condemns SCOTUS Ruling As A ‘Clear Violation Of Our Constitutional Right To Produce Experimental Drugs And Use The Full Power Of Government To Force The Entire Population To Inject Them Into Their Bodies’
To Save Time, Biden To Ship 500 Million Free Masks Directly To Landfill
Britain Makes Example Of Prince Andrew By Not Washing His Rolls-Royce
FBI Says They Still Haven’t Found A Motive For 9/11
Senate Candidate Dr. Oz Promises To Reveal Shocking Secret To Trim Belly Fat If Elected
Democrats Warn That Republicans Plan To Steal Election By Blocking Democrat Efforts To Steal Election
Sotomayor Attends Supreme Court Arguments Remotely To Protect Herself From Exposure To Constitution
Entire Medical Establishment Threatened By Comedian Who Gets High And Talks About MMA And Aliens
San Francisco Store Clerk Confused As Shopper Actually Tries To Pay For Merchandise
Fauci Reveals He Has Forged In Secret A Master Vaccine To Rule All The Others
Psaki Recommends Ukrainians Just Take A Kickboxing Class And Have A Margarita
Biden Considers Starting World War III To Distract From Domestic Failures
Biden Puts 8,000 Troops On Alert In Case Peter Doocy Retaliates
Biden Reminds Everyone That Black Justices Can Be Just As Smart As Rich Ones
Report: Strong Spike In Google Searches For ‘Who Is Neil Young’
Trudeau Claims Truckers Only Hate Him Because He’s Black
Biden Promises To Replace Retiring Quarterback Tom Brady With A Woman Of Color
Socialists Condemn Workers Of The World For Uniting
FEBRUARY
Health Experts Warn Of Thousands Of Joe Rogan-Style Uncensored Conversations Increasingly Happening Between Everyday People
Trudeau Demands Truckers Get Vaccinated Like He Did So They Don’t Catch COVID Like He Did
Oh No! Biden Promises To End Cancer Just Like He Shut Down COVID And Now We All Have Cancer
Trudeau Having Difficulty Teaching Canadian Mounties To Goose-Step
Unemployed San Francisco School Board Member Takes To Street With ‘Will Abuse Children 4 Food’ Sign
Researchers Determine The Science Has Changed After Carefully Examining Poll Numbers
APRIL
Joe Biden Walks Back Claims That Hunter Biden Is His Son
Exclusive: Kamala Harris Explains The Will Smith-Chris Rock Altercation
Ken Ham Announces New Movie Where Dinosaurs Get Loose On The Ark ‘Jurassic Ark’
CDC Recommends Isolating Yourself From All Other Human Beings By Going To See ‘Morbius’
Liberals Outraged To Learn 10% Of Twitter Now Owned By African-American
Costco Now Offering Convenient Payment Plans On Ground Beef
Sad: Florida Students Ranked Last In The Nation In Subject Of ‘Teacher’s Sex Life’
Doctors Now Prescribing Krispy Kremes To Kids For ‘Fat-Affirming Care’
Clarence Thomas Receives Invite To Celebration Of First Black Supreme Justice
Father Of 5-Year-Old Pterodactyl Finds It’s Not Easy To Get Species-Affirming Care In America
During Powerful Worship Song, Man Moved To Take Hands Slightly Out Of Pockets
China Introduces New Head Of COVID Policy Dr. Anthon-Yong Fauching
Senile Old Man Spotted With A Gun Spouting Wild Demands On White House Grounds
Investigators Claim David Used Illegal ‘Ghost’ Sling In Lethal Assault Against Goliath
Roman Soldier Assigned To Guard Tomb Of Some Jewish Carpenter Looking Forward To Uneventful Weekend
Scientists Warn Of Rapidly Spreading ‘Musk Derangement Syndrome’
Salvation Super Spreader Event Traced Back To God Who Refused To Social Distance From Humanity
18-Year-Old Trying To File Her Taxes Wishing Her Teachers Had Spent Less Class Time On Polyqueer Trans Theory
Due To Inflation, Cost Of Free Speech Rises Sharply To $43 Billion
Liberals Raise Concerns About Account That’s Making Them Look Bad By Just Sharing Their Actual Words
Progressive Christians Waiting Until Marriage To Remove Each Other’s Masks
Study Finds No One Ever Actually Liked U2 It’s Just That Everyone Thought Everyone Else Did And No One Wanted To Speak Up And Make It Awkward
‘Noooo, My Source Of Poweeeeeer!!!’ Cries Disintegrating Fauci As Mask Mandates Lifted
Kamala Harris To Replace Neil DeGrasse Tyson As Host Of ‘Cosmos’
Leftists Worried Elon Musk Will Turn Twitter Into A Place Where Terrible People Post Bad Opinions And Fight With Each Other All The Time
Musk’s Twitter Purchase Fails After 138,000 Board Votes Found Overnight
Winning: Elon Musk Makes All Of Bill Gates’s Tweets Autocorrect To Say ‘Poopy Butt’
Female Thor Keeps Picking Up Wrench Instead Of Hammer And Asking ‘Is This It?’
President Zelensky Insulted By Biden’s Offer Of Only $33 Billion In Weapons When He Gave The Taliban $86 Billion
Hunter Biden To Receive $50K Per Month Salary For Seat On Disinformation Governance Board
MAY
Washington Post Condemns Musk For Criticizing Twitter Employee Instead Of Publishing Her Address And Showing Up At Her Sister’s House
Local Carpenter Continues To Spread Disinformation Deemed Harmful By Religious Experts
Democrats Enraged They May Have To Drive A Few Hours To Commit Murder
Ketanji Brown Jackson Up All Night Reading Biology Textbooks Trying To Figure Out What Everybody Means By ‘Women’s’ Right To Abortion
Buffalo Hat-Wearing Elizabeth Warren Leads Insurrection Against Supreme Court
Moloch Warns Of Looming Child Sacrifice Supply Chain Issues
Biden Repeats False Claim He Once Had An Abortion
Wife Spends Afternoon Online Trying To Decide What Husband Will Get Her For Mother’s Day
Dangerous Religious Group Gathers Outside Supreme Court To Demand The Right To Sacrifice Babies
Orthodox Star Wars Fans Prepare To Celebrate ‘May The 11th Be With You’
Amazon To Enforce New One-Child Policy On All Female Employees
Starving American Babies Disguise Selves As Ukrainian Soldiers In Hopes Of Getting $40 Billion In Federal Aid
Trump Crowned MAGA King After Pulling Rittenhouse’s AR-15 From Stone
White House Press Corps Beginning To Suspect Psaki Isn’t Ever Going To Circle Back To Their Questions
Matt Damon Makes New Commercial Apologizing For Telling You To Buy Crypto
Airport Holding Strong As Last Socially Acceptable Place To Booze At 9 A.M.
Biden Announces He Has Hidden 5 Golden Crack Pipes In Safe Smoking Kits
Touching: Disinformation Board Realizes The True Disinformation Was Inside Them All Along
Surprising Study Reveals Half Of Joe Biden’s Twitter Followers Are Real
‘I Will Never Love Again,’ Says Forlorn Ben Shapiro After Learning AOC Engaged
Fun New Subscriptions Service Sends You Updated Pride Flag Every Month
We At The Babylon Bee Would Like To Announce We Have Obtained Dirt On Hillary Cli
4D Space Chess: Elon Musk Switches Back To Democratic Party, Harassment Accusations Immediately Withdrawn
‘It’s Time To Talk About The Stolen Election,’ Says Wild-Eyed Bill Maher Surrounded By Crates Of Ammo And Emergency Food
Amid Safety Concerns, Chappelle To Begin Doing Stand-Up In Full Medieval Armor Surrounded By Alligator Moat
Nancy Pelosi Draws Up Articles Of Impeachment Against The Pope
Parents Begin Disguising School Buildings As The Capitol So Congress Will Spend Billions To Protect Them
Obama Encourages Americans To Pause This Memorial Day To Remember The Sacrifice Of George Floyd
Toddler Rates Disney World A Close 2nd To Trip Through Car Wash
LeBron Confused By Hockey Players Who Get Back Up After Getting Knocked Down
Pelosi Puts On Her Angry Eyebrows After Hearing Husband Was Arrested
JUNE
‘Go On, Get! Get Out Of Here! Be Free!’ Cries AOC Tearfully Shooing Away Her Tesla
Navy Brags To Other Branches Of Military That It’s Gay All 12 Months Of The Year
Janet Yellen Seen Reading ‘Economics For Dummies’
Nation’s Podcast Hosts Suddenly Realize They’re All Just Interviewing Each Other About Each Other’s Podcasts
Biden’s Teleprompter Resigns To Take Job At MSNBC
Dryer, Dishwasher, Air Conditioner Secretly Conspire In Dead Of Night To All Break Down At Same Time
Emperor Palpatine Builds A Bigger, Even More Powerful Death Star Equipped With A 9mm
Jimmy Carter Worried All These Biden Comparisons Could Tarnish His Presidential Legacy
Miley Cyrus To Perform Halftime Show At Jan. 6 Committee Hearings
Dems To Hold June 9th Hearings To Get To The Bottom Of Why No One Watched Jan. 6th Hearings
Biden Administration To Provide Grief Counselors At All Gas Pumps
White House Attempts To Distract From High Gas Prices By Putting Up Wacky Inflatable Tube Men In Front Of Price Signs
Death Toll Rises: Man Dies Of Heart Attack Year-And-A-Half After Eating Corndog At January 6 Riot
Biden Says The Economy Is As Vibrant And Healthy As He Is
Brett Kavanaugh Unveils Updated Supreme Court Robe
Disney Digitally Replaces Tim Allen With Chris Evans In All Episodes Of ‘Home Improvement’
Bowing To Pressure From LGBTQ+ Activists, Next Jan. 6 Hearing To Include A Gay Kiss
Explorers Discover Remote Island Untouched By Pride Month
Congress Unveils Movie Release Schedule For The Jan 6 Cinematic Universe
Doctors Say Biden Recovering From Bike Crash Fine, Just Has A Few Scrapes And Alzheimer’s
After ‘Lightyear’ Bombs, Disney Quietly Cancels Their Upcoming Movie ‘Brokeback Woody’
Zelensky Disappointed Biden Only Sent Him Ben Stiller Instead Of The Will Ferrell He Requested
Amazon Confirms Orcs In ‘Rings Of Power’ Will Be Wearing MAGA Hats
Roe V. Wade Aborted In 198th Trimester
Authorities Warn Tonight’s Protests May Escalate From ‘Mostly Peaceful’ To ‘Somewhat Peaceful’
Trump ‘I Did That’ Stickers Appear On Nation’s Shuttered Planned Parenthoods
Democrats Argue That Clarence Thomas Should Only Have 3/5 Of A Vote
Compromise: Texas Says Abortion Can Remain Legal But The Baby Gets An AR-15 To Defend Himself
Elmo Dies Of Myocarditis After Receiving Covid Vaccine
Donald Trump To Star In ‘Fast And Furious 10: Capitol Riot’
JULY
Biden Prevented From Wandering Too Far With Handy New Toddler Leash
Disaster After Impractical Jokers Get A Hold Of Biden’s Cheat Sheet
R. Kelly Released After Revealing He Was Just One Of Ghislaine Maxwell’s Clients
Biden Calls On Pollsters To Raise His Approval Rating
Democrats Proudly Introduce The ‘Raise Gas Prices Even Higher And Make More Kids Trans’ Bill
Whistleblower Releases Zuckerberg’s 1,400-Page Manual On How To Appear Human
Father Of 9 Elon Musk Admits He’s Only Going To Mars To Get Some Peace And Quiet
Elon Musk Backs Out Of Twitter Deal After Realizing He Can Read The Babylon Bee By Going Directly To Their Website
Thor Picks Up Rolling Pin, Unlocking All The Powers Of Jane Foster
Trump The White Returns At Dawn On The Fifth Day With Army Of Dutch Farmers And Canadian Truckers
Polls Indicate More Breakfast Tacos Leaning Republican
‘Up Yours, Woke Moralists!’ Cries Jordan Peterson While Attempting To Ride The Ostriches At The Zoo
Officials Announce They Put The Decimal In The Wrong Place, Inflation Actually 91%
Disaster In Saudi Arabia As Biden Keeps Asking To Meet Jafar
‘We Tricked Another One!’ Shouts Crisis Pregnancy Center Nurses After Convincing Woman To Not Murder Her Baby
Shocking Photo Shows Hunter Biden Fully Clothed Not Smoking Crack
Uvalde Police Criticise Indiana Mall Armed Citizen For Not Waiting Around Outside For An Hour
Retiring Dr. Fauci To Be Honored With 21-Booster Shot Salute
Brutal: Biden Contracts Covid Just One Day After Miraculous Recovery From Cancer
Biden Races To Sniff One Last Girl Before Losing Sense Of Smell From COVID
Joe Biden Calls Obama To Wish Him A Speedy Recovery After Hearing The President Has Covid
Cheney, Kinzinger Confident They Nailed MSNBC Audition
Al Gore Dresses Up Like Swedish Teen Girl So People Will Listen To Him Again
Joe Biden Signs ‘Don’t Say Recession’ Bill
‘You Can’t Be Pro-Insurrection and Pro-American,’ Says President Of Nation Founded By An Insurrection
Biden: ‘I Don’t Know If We’re In A Recession, I’m Not A Biologist’
White House Hires ‘This Is Fine’ Dog As New Press Secretary
Democrats To Try Bold Strategy Of Doing Exactly What Got Us Into This Mess In The First Place
AUGUST
Biden: ‘We Are In A Pandemic Of The Quadruple Vaccinated’
Putin Awards Self Medal Of Freedom For Dropping Gas Prices
After Declaring State Of Emergency In California For Monkeypox, Gavin Newsom Seen At French Laundry Orgy
Pelosi Arrested For Running The Country While Under The Influence
FBI Adds Itself To FBI Watch List
WNBA Players’ Rescue Mission Foiled As Key To Griner’s Cell Hanging Ten Feet Above Ground
Kim Kardashian Breaks Up With Pete Davidson After She Finally Gets Around To Watching SNL
Wife’s Loud Gasp While Reading Phone Means Either Someone Died Or Got A New Handbag
Hunter Biden Breathes Sigh Of Relief As FBI Raid Team Passes By His House On Way to Mar-A-Lago
‘You’ll Never Take Me Alive, Coppers!’ Shouts Trump Seeding Away From FBI Agents In Golf Cart
Enlightened Trump Takes Vow Of Silence
‘Our Client Pleads The Fifth,’ Say Lawyers As Tied-Up Trump Desperately Tries To Peel Duct Tape Off Mouth
FBI Raids Nicholas Cage’s Home After Tip He Has Declaration Of Independence
Angels Announce McDonald’s Ice Cream Machines On New Earth Will Work 67% Of The Time
Sources Allege Trump Stole Plans Revealing White House’s Thermal Exhaust Port
So-Called Conservative Hasn’t Even Been Raided By The FBI Yet
Touching: LeBron Spends Time In The Backyard With His Son Teaching Him How To Flop
‘I’m Not Dead Yet!’ Insists Biden As He’s Loaded Onto Cart Of Corpses
After Seeing The Jump In Trump’s Poll Numbers, Biden Orders FBI To Raid His House Too
Pentagon Mandates Monkeypox Vaccine, But Only For Navy
Study Finds 0% Of Leftists Who Are Warning About Overpopulation Have Volunteered To Die First
World In Panic As Science Announces Retirement
Texas Builds 600 Miles Of Border Wall Using U-Haul Trucks From California
Biden To Forgive $10k In Student Loans — In Unrelated News, Nation’s Colleges Raise Tuition By $10k
Nancy Pelosi Leading The Charge For Biden Administration To Forgive Bar Tabs
Apple TV+ Announces New Show ‘Clintons In Cars Killing Witnesses’
Redacted Affidavit Just Says ‘Orange Man Bad’
Thousands Dead After Ben Shapiro Casually Strolls Through Whole Foods
Joel Osteen Releases New Edition Of Bible With All Words Redacted
NASA Delays Artemis Launch After Realizing Female Astronaut Forgot To Fill The Rocket With Fuel After Last Trip
Trump Parts Hudson River Leading Exodus Of New York Republicans To Florida
SEPTEMBER
Giant Shepherd’s Crook Slowly Emerges From Offstage As Biden Begins Another Racist Story
Biden Condemns Fascism In Speech While Also Debuting Attractive New Mustache
Biden Abolishes Office Of President And Names Self Supreme Fuhrer
After Using FBI To Suppress Son’s Crimes And Raid Political Rival’s Home, Biden Warns Democracy In Danger
FBI Says The Documents In Trump’s Possession Were So Classified They Were Printed With Invisible Ink On Invisible Paper
Earthquake Causes Thousands Of Californians To Check Twitter To See If That Was An Earthquake
Newsom Promises There Will Be Enough Electricity For All Californians After Everyone Moves To Florida
Powerless Figurehead Leader With No Official Responsibilities Approaches End Of Life
Stacey Abrams Announces That With A Heavy Heart She Will Succeed Elizabeth II As Queen
California Man Takes Fiancee Out Of State For A Romantic Lightbulb-Lit Dinner
America Says Offer To Trade Biden For The Queen Still Stands
King Charles Replaces Harry & Meghan With Two Corgis In Line Of Succession
Trump Voters Put Biden Signs In Their Yards So That The FBI Will Pass Over Them
Democrats Propose Another Inflation Reduction Act To Combat Inflation Created By First Inflation Reduction Act
Mike Lindell Still Holding Out Against FBI Inside MyPillow Fort
Obamas Construct New Cages At Martha’s Vineyard To Hold Arriving Migrants
Migrants Decline Newsom’s Offer Of Asylum In CA Since They Just Came From A Collapsing Communist Hellhole With No Electricity
Martha’s Vineyard Takes Revenge On DeSantis By Shipping Him 50 Karens
Biden Tearfully Gives Queen One Final Sniff
Biden Deploys 20,000 National Guard Troops To Defend Home From Incoming Migrants
NYC Police To Release Criminals Onto The Streets Faster With Newly Installed Giant Slide
After 10 Terrible Plagues, Pharaoh Proudly Announces Plagues Are Now Down 100%
Stacey Abrams Bursts Through Wall Like Kool-Aid Man To Tell Overjoyed Mother That The Heartbeat Sound She’s Hearing Is Fake
Experts Believe Russia Low On Soldiers After Putin Spotted Trying To Teach A Polar Bear How To Drive A Tank
Eight Ways Besides Heartbeats That Women Are Tricked Into Thinking Babies Are Alive
PragerU Football Team Still Dead Last In NCAA Rankings
Clown Emoji Distances Self From Democrats
FBI Storms Convent To Arrest Group Of Dangerous Pro-Life Extremists
Authorities Warn That Hurricane Could Cause Florida To Have As Many Water And Power Shortages As California
Not To Be Outdone By Lizzo, Beyonce Performs Concert Wearing George Washington’s Teeth
OCTOBER
Trump Vows To Nominate Corn Kid As Secretary Of Agriculture After He’s Reelected
Opinion: Joe Biden Wandering Away from the Podium Is A Powerful Statement On Quiet, Dignified Leadership
Looters Spotted Trying To Enter Mar-A-Lago After Hurricane Ian
Newsom Demands John MacArthur The Baptist’s Head On A Platter
Hurricane-Ravaged Florida Town Raises Ukraine Flag So Congress Will Send Aid
Husband Sentenced To Visiting Pumpkin Patch Every Year For Rest Of His Life
God Moved To FBI Watch List After Pro-Life Comments Surface
Movie Targeting 2% Of Americans Fails at Box Office
Boomer Mom Asks If Son Can Download Her Some Music From That Nice ‘Ye’ Fellow
NFL To Provide All Refs Seeing-Eye Dogs
PayPal Automatically Pulls $2,500 In Reparations From All White People’s Accounts
After Brief Interview With Ye, Tucker Carlson Releases First Rap Album
Last-Minute Entrant ‘Head of Cabbage’ Surges To Lead In Pennsylvania Senate Race
Jan 6 Panel Continues To Hold Hearings For Stuffed Animals And Action Figures They Arranged In Chairs
Texas Votes To Airlift Austin To California
Man Becomes Missionary To Remote African Village So He Doesn’t Have To Share Gospel With Coworker Brad
Man Texts Coworker To See If He Got Slack Message Telling Him To Check His Email
Gisele Spotted In Seedy Alleyway Slipping Bucs Offensive Line A Wad Of Cash
Kanye Made Honorary Member Of The Squad After Antisemitic Comments
To Drown Out Justice Jackson, Clarence Thomas Resorts To Wearing Noise-Canceling Headphones
Stacey Abrams Spotted At The Grocery Store Reminding Parents This Would All Be Cheaper If They Aborted Their Kids
CDC Announces New Initiative To Promote Homeschooling
Inspiring: Uber Driver Lasts .09 Seconds Before Volunteering That This Isn’t His Main Job
Alex Jones Sentenced To Death
Not Having Enough Stress And Frustration In His Life, Man Decides To Start Following Sports
Trump Sneaks Back Into White House By Dressing Up As Trans TikTok Star
After Oz-Fetterman Debate, Pennsylvania Votes To Have No Representation In The Senate
Elon To Replace 3,200 Twitter Employees With One Hardworking Immigrant Named Amar
America Recommends Kim Jong-Un Test Nukes On Astros-Phillies World Series
Op-Ed: Citizens Being Able To Vote The Ruling Party Out Of Power Is The End Of Democracy
Report: Jesus Is Aware That Your ‘Harvest Festival’ Is Really A Halloween Party
NOVEMBER
Kids Joyfully Frolic In Pile Of Autumn Leaves And Dog Poop
Galactic Empire Requests Amnesty For Anyone Who May Have Gotten Carried Away And Blown Up A Planet
Democrats Worried Republicans May Take Lead Beyond Margin Of Cheating
AOC Wistfully Doodles ‘Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez-Musk’ Inside Heart In Her Notebook
In Phenomenal Two-For-One Deal, Elon Musk Now Owns Both Twitter And AOC
‘The View’ Will Now Just Be One Hour Of Hosts Beating White Women With Sticks
Fox News Calls Arizona For Stacey Abrams
Incumbent Governor Stacey Abrams Loses Bid For Reelection
Selfish DeSantis Takes Entire Red Wave For Himself
Nation Excitedly Anticipates First Funny SNL Episode In Years After Writers Boycott
Patriarchy Wins Beauty Pageant
Arizona Announces They Have Finished Counting And Calvin Coolidge Has Won Their 3 Electoral Votes
Archaeologists Uncover Glitter Still In Early Church Carpet From VBS Held In 150 A.D.
Joe Manchin Projected To Retain Control Of The Senate
Trump Announces Run For Historic Third Term
New, More Realistic Nerf Ad Just Two Hours Of Dad Picking Up Darts
‘Respect For Marriage Act’ To Send Another $50 Billion To Ukraine
‘Twitter Is Dead,’ 300 Million People Post On Twitter
Pastor Spontaneously Chokes Up At Same Point In All 5 Services
13 Billion Dead After Trump Unbanned From Twitter
Turkey Denied Presidential Pardon After Photos Emerge Of It Attending January 6
FBI Closely Monitoring Gathering Of Christian Nationalists
Elon Musk Lists ‘Lightly Used’ Social Network On Craigslist For $5 OBO
Journalists Rush To Scene Of Shooting To Determine Whether It’s Politically Useful
In Huge Black Friday Sale, Store To Sell Everything For Price It Was Before Biden Became President
Tied England – U.S. Match To Be Decided By Whichever Country Last Beat The Other In A War
China Taps Governor Gretchen Whitmer To Lead Lockdown Enforcement
Bob Iger Vows To Cut Back To Only 7 LGBT Characters In Every Kid’s Movie
DECEMBER
Experts Warn That If You Stop Listening To Them They’ll Feel Sad
Kanye Releases Brand New Album ‘My Struggle’
Ilhan Omar Arrives At Capitol Decked Out In Yeezy Gear
Elon Musk Vows To Reveal Government And Media Collusion Once He Figures Out Where These Red Dots Are Coming From
Democrats Endorse Trump After He Calls For Destroying The Constitution
Horrified Balenciaga Teddy Bear Can’t Remember Safe Word
James Cameron Releases Testosterone-Free Cut Of ‘T2’ Where Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Replaced By Kip From Napoleon Dynamite
Tragedies That Could Have Been Prevention With Better Gun Control
IRS Agents Slide Down Chimneys Looking For Gifts Of $600 Or More
Biden Decides To Read ‘Art Of The Deal’ After Getting Ripped Off In Griner Trade
Following Sinema’s Exit, Romney Announces Intention To Remain In Democratic Party
Zelensky Seen Sitting On Mall Santa’s Lap Asking For Another $50 Billion
Christmas Canceled After Sam Brinton Steals Santa’s Sack
Shepherds Flee As Heavenly Host Starts Singing ‘Last Christmas’ By Wham!
Soccer Finally Interesting
Trump Announces New Line Of Collectible POGs
Nurse Worried She Might Have To Actually Take Care Of Patients If TikTok Is Banned
FBI Releases All JFK Documents Except For The One That Says They Killed Him
Journalists Warn Of Frightening Trend Where Rules Apply To Them
Washington Post Lowers Flag To Half-Staff For Journalists Suspended From Twitter
Hate Speech Against African Americans Up 10,000% On Twitter
Dangerous Insurrectionists Seize Capitol Building
Republicans Trick People Into Reading Spending Bill By Naming It ‘Harry Potter And The $1.7 Trillion Omnibus Spending Bill’
Santa’s Sleigh Mistakenly Shot Down By Ukrainian Missile
Oh No! Scientists Determine We’re Actually Headed For An Ice Age And We Have To Pump As Much CO2 As Possible Into The Atmosphere Or We’re All Gonna Die
Breaking: God Is With Us
Lego Set, Neft Gun, Xbox Lose Out To Christmas Wrapping Paper Tubes Again
Op-Ed: The Racist Roots Of Sleep
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